Sexy Poets Quiz

Because who doesn't like sexy poetry? Certainly not you.

From the Best American Poetry blog:


Match the poet with the quote from his or her poem:

1. "I groped for him before I knew"

2. "you slip/ half-a-foot deep into someone you like"

3. "new memory like a seltzer in my crotch"

4. "he kissed her Anne Sexton/ and she returned the favor, caressing his Ted Berrigan"

5. "that slippery ingress ... its complicated fragrance"

6. "Gently, with my lips/ loosen the button./ Have them slip into my hands/ Like two freshly poured beer mugs"

7. "she wanted him hung up on her breasts, not on her feet"

8. "The clam shell opens./ The oyster is eaten."

9. "At each beat of his heart it threw/ An odd little nod my way. From the slot of the spout/ Extended a drop of transparent viscous goo"

10. "nude ghosts seeking each other out in the silence"


Charles Simic

Marge Piercy

Albert Goldbarth

Emily Dickinson

David Lehman

Allen Ginsberg

Elizabeth Alexander

Michael Ryan

Jim Cummins

W. H. Auden



...Um, is the first one Emily Dickinson? I clearly don't know anything about poetry. Philistine.
Also: "beer mugs," heh.

200 million failures members

I know you know that Facebook just crossed the milestone of 200 million "active" members. And, as they instructionally (gloating-ly?) convey in their press release-type video, we could all use a little perspective on that number. For example, Facebook says that "It took 20,000 years for the world population to get to 200 million" and that "It would take 46.5 years for 200 million babies to be born in the U.S." Also, they tell me that if Facebook were a country, a population of 200 million would make it the 5th largest, "bigger than Brazil, Japan, and Russia."

And according to EW's PopWatch, "If Facebook users created a Facebook language, it would be roughly the sixth most-spoken language on Earth. If Facebook were a religion, it would be one of the 10 most-widely practiced." As an "active" Facebook member myself, I say, Welcome to Facebooktonia. Sprechen Sie news feed? Amen!

These are intriguing figures, natch. But then this report came out today, from (The) Ohio State University, saying that college students who are also Facebook members "spend less time studying and have lower grade point averages" than those students who are not members. (Probably because they spend more time using Virtual Bookshelves than...real ones. Or whatever. Haha. I'm funny.) Also, the study claims that most Facebook users don't think it hinders their study time, even when the information suggests otherwise.

Speaking as someone who is not studying (but should be) and is currently--right now!--logged on to Facebook (but shouldn't be?), I say...well DUH, Facebook interferes with studying. Facebook is better than studying. Who would rather be reading a textbook about Statistics (or whatever "college" makes you do nowadays) than adding virtual flair to their virtual flair collection or coming up with (cute) ironies and/or witticisms to scribble down irreverently below someone else's self-consciously ironic/witty photos? No one, that's who.

Now resume taking that Facebook quiz which tells you which tortilla you are, flour or corn. I'm flour.


...
(If you're anything like Dask and I, or even Dask's girlfriend, you might be wondering what the four countries are that have a population greater than 200 million. You should know them, but I'll tell you anyway. Currently: 1) China, 2) India, 3) United States (bronze!), and, the one that stumped us... 4) Indonesia.)

My Trip To Adventureland

A good comedy is hard to find. They're usually too stupid, too gross, or both. Sometimes they're SO stupid you can't help but love them, but I long for a different breed of comedy. One that worries more about being a good movie and less about how many jokes they can squeeze into a given scene. I can't think of the last genuine comedy (outside of Wes Anderson) that didn't let "being a comedy" get in the way of being a good movie. Adventureland is one for that list.

I knew I'd be seeing Adventureland from the moment the trailer hit and I laid eyes on Bill Hader's epic mustache. I didn't like director Greg Mottola's previous film, Superbad, and was a little worried that Adventureland would be Superbad...but with rides! I was relieved to find a deeper, more sincere story waiting for me.

James (Jesse Eisenberg) has just finished college and is planning on grad school in New York. His plans fall through, however, when his dad looses his position at work and ends up taking a substantial wage cut. The family moves to Pittsburgh and James is reduced to finding a summer job. It seems like his only option is Adventureland, an amusement park well past its prime. He makes friends out of circumstance (just like in any work environment) and they spend most of their time getting high or drinking beer. Most of their day to day interactions are pretty mundane and everyone thrives on the next bit of gossip just to keep their sanity. James falls for a fellow "games" operator, Emily (Kristen Stewart), who seems to like James, but has her own unresolved baggage.

Let's stop for a second.

Everything I've described to you is as basic as a movie can get. There's nothing unique, no shtick. Adventureland takes all of the boy meets girl and coming of age stereotypes and makes them work with rich characters and situations that you actually care about. You can look at the nerdy, unappreciated Joel (Martin Star) and feel like you know him, or at least know someone like him. Or maybe, you are Joel. Every character feels this way, even the ones that are there mainly for laughs, like Bill Hader's mustache. But they never feel forced. No one feels out of place even though EVERYONE is out of place, because that's where twenty-somethings spend most of their time. I don't want to say much about the movie because there isn't much to say other than I liked it and I hope you see it and you like it too. I'm tired of movies that feel restricted to their genre. This is a comedy, this is a drama...can't it just be a movie. I just want more good, real movies that can draw out real emotion. Like this one.

Did I laugh out loud and slap my knee? Not once. But what's more important, those few big laughs you get because Oh, that Will Ferrell is just so darn silly, or something that, maybe only once or twice, really made you smile. What a great feeling.

For Love & Street Fighter: Episode 1

A co-worker of mine linked me over to an animated short he made called "Happy Birthday, Uhura" on the site GoAnimate.com. It seemed like fun, so I decided, not only would I make a video myself, but that I'd start a bi-weekly series of animations just for you! If you aren't familiar with the characters of Street Fighter...then you're pretty weird, live in a hut, and likely don't know what a Super Nintendo is.



Hope you liked it! Check back soon for Episode 2.

Where The Wild Things Be At

The movie trailer for Where The Wild Things Are is--bam!--on the internets. And, oooh, doesn't it just simmer with freshness?--despite how old the base material is (Maurice Sendak wrote it in 1963!) and despite how long the upcoming film has been gestating in Hollywood Development Hell (see Dask's take below).

The trailer, with sumptuous dusk-tinged lighting, has the feel of hyper melancholy (father issues! lots of running!). The creatures look phenomenal; they have a serious and required presence in the frame, and are alternately approachable or unapproachable, as they should be. The young actor who plays Max is appropriately contemplative and/or distracted, and only very rarely elated (like a young child should be).

It's no surprise that director Spike Jonze knows how to match music with (surreal/pleasing) visuals--after all, it's his day job--and, here, much of the mood is set by the music. Actually, I'm not entirely convinced that I didn't just watch Arcade Fire's new music video...

Ok, I checked, and I did NOT accidentally watch the music video for Arcade Fire's Wake Up.

Still, swimming along as it does, looking like a well-conceived, well-designed, fortuitously-big-budgeted-for-a-(semi-)independent-music-act's latest music video, you cannot be blamed if the trailer evokes some kind of twee ecstasy inside you, where you want to dance and cry at the exact same time.



Embedded! (for now, until it gets pulled, sad face)

Comment or die.

The Wild Things Are Here At Last!

I've been dying to see Where The Wild Things Are for what seems like forever. But maybe that's because, it has been forever! The film started production in 1999...uh, ten years ago. Spike Jonze had everything set up at Universal, but the two had major creative differences and the project folded. It laid dormant for years until Jonze took his Wild Things over to WB and got the ball rolling again. Well, WB ended up having issues as well, but they arose after a large portion of the film was finished. They requested a major re-write of the script (written by Jonze and Dave Eggers) and the re-casting of Max. That would mean throwing everything they've worked on away and starting from scratch. Turns out, that was their intent. In 2008, WB came very close to shutting down production and re-shooting the entire movie. Their main concern, "it's too dark...not for kids. Max isn't likable enough." Those "suits" obviously haven't read the book. I doubt that at any point in writing the story Maurice Sendak was worried about Max being likable. He's kind of a hellion, as young boys often are. Luckily, Spike and WB were able to work through their differences and now it looks like we'll be seeing the movie he set out to make.

Without needing to see any prior footage, I had enough confidence in Jonze (and Eggers) to know this movie would be great as long as it was made the way the director intended (without studio meddling). This trailer all but confirms it was done right and was worth the wait. Needless to say, I'll be first in line on October 16th.

See Ben's post above, or head over to Apple Movie Trailers for the Exclusive (hi-res) trailer. Or you can see it on the big screen...but that would require seeing Monsters VS Aliens this weekend.

In Watching Watchmen

Watchmen. I find it hard to imagine anyone familiar with the Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons masterpiece not having reservations when thinking in terms of a live-action film adaptation of the complete and utter perfection that is Watchmen. I find it harder to imagine anyone who is intimate with this seminal masterwork wanting to see a movie made at all. Well, unless you live in a cave under the sea (without an internet connection), then you know all too well, there is a Watchmen movie and there's nothing we can do about it.

It's no surprise that Hollywood has wanted their grubby mitts on Watchmen since its initial publication in 1986, but the project never took flight (pun very much intended). It came very close in 1991 when Terry Gilliam was hired on at Warner Bros. to try and tackle the project. He couldn't. He dropped Watchmen saying it was "unfilmable," and that, "reducing the story to a two or two-and-a-half hour film seemed, to me, to take away the essence of what Watchmen is about." I feel the same way, Mr. Gilliam.

It came close again in 2001 with David Hayter writing/directing, which of course didn't bear fruit, and again in 2004 with Darren Aronofsky using Hayter's script. Well, that didn't work out. Aronofsky was replaced the same year by Paul Greengrass, but guess what...that didn't work out either! So, do you take it as a sign from God (or Dr. Manhattan) that you should let Watchmen be? No. You get Zack Snyder, the guy who graced us with 300 and the Dawn of the Dead remake to take a stab.

I feel that with all of this lead in, I'm avoiding talking about Watchmen, the film. That's partially true. I never wanted a Watchmen movie and I never will. Its just too goddamn big, not only in length, but complexity. A character study to end all, reflections on war and human behavior; a bold piece of humanity. That's just the beginning. If you haven't read Watchmen, you fucking need to, but since I'm supposed to be talking about the movie...here goes it.

I didn't hate Zack Snyder's Watchmen. I certainly didn't love it, and not sure if I liked it, but it went beyond my expectations...which was failure. I don't think it failed, I just don't think it hit the mark. Again, there's too much there. To make Watchmen right is simply impossible. But the movie did some things, the elements it could, very right. Casting was great (with the exception of Silk Spectre who was AWFUL! Seriously, Malin Akerman who played Silk Spectre should go back to porn or the street or wherever the hell she came from because she was fucking terrible!). But everyone else was handled very well, namely Rorschach and Dr. Manhattan who I was the most nervous about. I'm sad movies need to have over-stylized fight scenes where you super slow-mo for a punch, show a goofy expression, and then double forward to two seconds after the blow connects. EVERY action sequence was like this. It's distracting. The only time it worked was when Rorschach was escaping down the stairwell, through a SWAT team, with an aerosol can flamethrower or when slowing frames to show Ozymandias' amazing speed.

I never thought I'd say this...sex & gore...totally unnecessary. Less is more. The moment I ease up and start to enjoy a fight scene in the movie, I get a splintery broken femur rip through a thugs arm and blood squirted into my face. Its gore for the sake of gore and that shit belongs in slasher flicks. Bone crushing sound effects as Laurie Jupiter works a guy over and slams him up against a dumpster: badass! Gooey meat hanging from the ceiling and blood splattered on nightclub patron's faces: too much. Don't get me wrong, I can be a fan of such things, but they didn't belong here. And I'm sad Snyder swapped a sensual (and crucial) lovemaking scene toward the end of the book for a borderline raunchy one that he made up for the movie, again, graphic for the sake of being graphic.

The soundtrack was another element that was hard to swallow. The songs never feel right in the movie. Especially when they are winking at you. Nena's "99 Luftballons," for instance. Ha ha, nuclear war, I get it. Oh, and "Flight of the Valkyries," da na na NA NA, this is so stupid! The worst being "Everybody Wants To Rule The World" playing overhead in Veidt's lobby. You should have taken a page from The Dark Knight and had an epic score. Not winks and nods.

Aside from that, and a Nixon that wouldn't pass for Nixon in a high school play, the movie was...watchable. Everyone I've talked to who hasn't read Watchmen, enjoyed the movie, but were lost. And those who had, could follow along but were left wanting more. Art direction and casting were spot on, direction and sound were lacking. What would this movie have been with the same production team but Gilliam, Greengrass, Aronofksky? Who's to say. Watchmen is by no means a bad movie. Its just not Watchmen.

Trek Covers Tracks

The final trailer for Star Trek hit the web today. Watch it, then read the rest of the blog. Resistance is futile.



Much of my disappointment with the announcement of Star Trek XI was in learning that it wasn't Star Trek XI. It's more appropriately Star Trek 0. A prequel dealing with Kirk's angst ridden youth that eventually led him to Starfleet? No! What happened to the idea of Tom Hanks being captain of the Enterprise years after The Next Generation crew logged their final voyage?

When taking on a franchise as vast as Star Trek, don't you think you'd want to set it in the future to avoid continuity hassles? Instead of that, JJ Abrams decided it was easier just to not give a shit and make the prequel without even trying to keep any sort of continuity. Blasphemy.

As we got closer to the film's release (which at the time was Dec 2008), more and more continuity errors and all around stupid crap began to surface. The major thing that stood out for me being the main villain, Nero, who is a Romulan...in a film dealing with young Kirk...when any Trek fan knows the Romulans made their first appearance in the episode "Balance of Terror." Why is the villain a Romulan when the film takes place many years before Starfleet encounters the freaking Romulans?! Did they do any research? Has Abrams even seen Star Trek?

As it turns out, no, he never really did watch the series. He even went on record saying, "I've never really been a fan of Star Trek." He wanted to make it more like Star Wars, more like something he'd like. I'd like to run him over with some sort of large construction vehicle. If more true fans were making these movies (i.e. Peter Jackson and The Lord of the Rings), then maybe we'd be seeing better movies.

But I'm getting off subject. In regards to continuity with the series, it was revealed that Star Trek takes place after Star Trek: Nemesis. Nero travels back in time (to where the bulk of the film takes place) and has somehow altered time by doing so. The above trailer had a revealing line of dialogue from Nero: "James T. Kirk was a great man, but that was another life." Ahhhh, so to cover your tracks, time has been altered and this Captain Kirk is not THE Captain Kirk, thus, this isn't really Star Trek.

I'm oddly okay with that. It's a bit of an easy out, but I prefer it to simply disregarding 40 years worth of Star Trek mythos. The bridge looks like an Apple store and the crew are a bunch of annoying twenty-somethings, but I can let out a sigh of relief. If it sucks, which is very likely, I can pretend it doesn't exist. After all, it's not really Star Trek.

The "Everyday" Quote of the Day - Now For Everyday Use!

"Are you crazy? Don't go between them!"
"Go between them?! Are you crazy?"

For use in situations involving:

• High-speed boat chases in treacherously crowded waterways, esp. when approaching two tankers drifting dangerously close to one another, offering almost no through-space for one small boat, let alone two!; to be followed by thrills and/or close calls (see: Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade)
• High-speed freeway driving, esp. when approaching two semi-trucks occupying the traffic lanes to your left and right, creating--right in front of you!--a narrow, intimidating, but ultimately unavoidable gap that you MUST drive through if you are going to survive

Go to the 1:20 mark for a lesson in the "everyday" application of this handy quote!

Indy's Back!

No, I'm not referring to Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. By now you should be in the final stages of repressing Jones' recent calamity. His next adventure will take place in the palm of your hand! Er, hands. Indiana Jones and the Staff of Kings is coming to the Wii.

Set in 1939, a year after Last Crusade, Indy finds himself in search for an old colleague who went missing on a quest to uncover the staff of Moses. You know, the one that parted the Red Sea? The biblical route always seems to work for Indiana Jones. The Ark of the Covenant in Raiders, and the Holy Grail in Last Crusade. Of the novels, the most successful and fan favorite was The Genesis Deluge which dealt with Noah's Ark. Sorry Sankara Stones and (stupid) Crystal Skull.

As you may expect, legions of enemies will be ready stand in the titular archeologist's way: from spiders and snakes to Lao Che's thugs to those ever so lovable rascals, the Nazis. A new villain, Magnus Völler, will be Jones' nemesis for this excursion. As for his main squeeze? No news as of yet, but I'm sure they'll throw at least one strong and sassy female Indy's way.

The Wii's motion controls play a big part in the game. You'll hold down B and swing the remote to crack Indy's whip. The whip can disarm enemies, grab enemies, swing across pits, interact with items that are out of reach, or may be needed to disarm traps. Hand-to-hand combat will also use motion control. You'll hold the remote and nunchuck in each fist (just like boxing in WiiSports) and the controller will mimic your blows. So if a few light jabs don't do the trick, give 'em Indy's mean left hook. The game boasts a very interactive environment. Indy isn't necessarily the strongest fighter in a scrap, be he keeps his wits about him. At a nearby pool table, for instance, Jones can pick up a cue and break it over an adversary's head. Or, grab the balls from the table and lob them at the bad guys from across the room. Grab an enemy and rush him head first into a gong...or concrete wall...or throw him off a ledge.

Aside from the main story mode, the game also features a co-op mode with it's own original story! The second player wasn't announced, but it is someone we'll know from the series. Henry Jones, Sr. or Sallah, perhaps? The co-op focuses on cooperative puzzle solving and the like. If that wasn't enough, there is also a four-player mode where you can have aerial dogfights! All of this sounds very promising. It delivers a new story while retaining everything we've come to love from the original adventures. And no contributions from Lucas! That's always a good sign. However, I would accept a written apology from him for making Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Somehow I doubt anyone'll see one of those.

In closing, I'm super excited for this game! Couldn't you tell? I love Indiana Jones, and adventure, and video games, and though its sad I'll probably never have another Indy film (that is watchable) at least he can still make use of his fedora in other mediums. Look for it this Spring.