Showing posts with label Is this a rhetorical question?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Is this a rhetorical question?. Show all posts

Jul 17, 2010

Why would anyone want to dislike 'Inception'?

 (Stephen Vaughan/Warner Bros.)

Why do I do this to myself?  What is the point?  I've seen the sort of hate that spews onto the internet when a professional film critic like David Edelstein publishes a negative review of a movie everyone is dying to see.  People want him dead.  Or at least fired.  He is an "unprofessional" "retarded" "arrogant" "pretentious" "school yard bully," about as "useful as a poopy flavoured lollypop," and—even worse—he's "worse than Armond White."  His sin is simple: he disliked Inception, and was brazen enough to say that he was frustrated by the near-fanatical Hype surrounding what he believes to be a "clunky and confusing" movie.

Also, he disliked The Dark Knight, therefore he must be bad.

The thing is, I thought Edelstein's review in New York Magazine was well-reasoned, honest, and articulate.  His confusion and frustration is clear, and I think it's appropriate (if not downright necessary) to address the Hype head-on; to ignore it would have been to pretend he wasn't aware of what was going on around him; namely, that Inception was quickly becoming the most talked-about movie of the summer (of this new decade?), long before it ever reached theatres. 

Who among us hasn't been in this position before, utterly baffled by the near-unanimous response (positive or negative) to a popular movie, a response that we simply cannot agree with?

I have not seen Inception.  I can't speak to the details of Edelstein's opinion of the movie (though I can admire his prose; when he marvels that Marion Cotillard is "clock-stoppingly gorgeous," it seems both an efficiently handsome and subtly informative phrase).  But here's the thing: when I finally do see Inception, I want to dislike it.

...I think.

Maybe.

It's not that I like being contrarian (a label that has lately been tossed in the direction of both Edelstein and Toy Story 3-hater White as if it were the greatest indignity).  The more great movies that exist in this world, the better.  And the more people that see and like those great movies, well, that's pretty great, too.  So with this fresh, new, and (possibly) exhilarating and inventive movie on a silver platter in front of me, why would I want to send it back?  Am I just a mindless part of the new New Media cycle, fulfilling the prognostications of an impending and inevitable backlash?

In a word, yes.

I want to have an honest reaction to Inception.  If it's thrilling, I want to be thrilled.  If it's mysterious and confusing but ultimately thought-provoking, I want to be provoked.  I don't want my reception to be skewed by some external force, as part of a shifting movement toward Hype (as represented not just by applauding mainstream film critics [like Roger Ebert—always level-headed] but more so by the zealous fans who so fiercely and single-mindedly attacked David Edelstein).  I don't want to be in a position where I've either got to align myself with one camp or another; I don't want to camp at all.

But the volume of both sides (though especially the fervor of fanboys and fangirls) is obstructing my non-partisanship, and making it impossible to enter the movie theatre open-minded.  I am actually weary of Inception without having ever seen it.  This seems an especially relevant problem for a movie that, for all intents and purposes, should be unabashedly new and unfamiliar.

I do not blame this on the fans—die-hard or casual—of Inception.  Nor do I blame the media, at least not directly—Dennis Cozzalio at Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule intelligently dissects the Los Angeles Times' Patrick Goldstein's response to the Edelstein brouhaha, whereas Jim Emerson, on his Scanners blog, laments the release of a movie's reviews before the release of the movie itself, and the trouble this causes.

The blame, I think, lies squarely on the cash culture of Hollywood, where exorbitant advertising budgets for studio tentpole releases (some estimates I've seen put Inception's advertising budget well above $150 million) and the need for a big return on opening weekend have created a culture based around the bandwagon.

I don't want to speculate how many millions of dollars Inception is making right this minute, but it's a lot.  Hollywood feeds (and feeds off of) a culture that creates outsiders out of people who miss this weekend's Next Big Thing; to be sufficiently in the loop, I've got to spend $10 and see Inception NOW (the laws of Facebook and the trends of Twitter nearly demand it).

Is it such a bad thing to recognize this manipulation and actively oppose it?  No.  But... Who pays the price if I do?  Me, or Inception?

For several reasons, Inception has connected with a huge audience, and did so well before this audience even had a chance to see the actual film.  The Hype is huge; it just goes to show that $150 million spent correctly will get people's attention.  But the immensely positive response also suggests that maybe Inception is just a really good movie that a lot of good people (and some bad ones) really, really like.  And there is nothing wrong with that.

In a fair-minded and slightly bemused piece from NPR, Linda Holmes wonders how we've come to a point where we demand unanimous assent from our film critics.  That seems wholly misguided, she argues, because while art may not be entirely objective, by it's very nature it should allow space for "individual sensibilities" and personal preference.  When we get stuck on aggregate scores from sites like Rotten Tomatoes, we lose an important piece of the discussion.  "There's no destination that criticism is trying to reach," she writes, "where if we all get smarter and fairer and we all 'get it' (oh, how desperately we need to rid ourselves of the language of 'getting it'), we'll wind up rating everything either 100% or 0%."

My conundrum: If I enjoy Inception, I'm just like everybody else.  Which I don't like.  But if I dislike Inception because of that, I'm just a reactionary, intent on being unlike everyone else—which is just a bandwagon of a different color.  But if I genuinely dislike Inception because I find it's not very good, well, like David Edelstein, I must be an "idiot."

I'm lost in my thoughts.  This is a head trip worthy of Christopher Nolan.

Apr 2, 2010

Remember when Tom Cruise & Penélope Cruz were a thing?


Oh yeah. That happened.

But just because it really happened doesn't mean it makes any logical sense. It's like thinking about the Holocaust--I mean, you know it happened (unless you're one of those Holocaust deniers, but I don't think you are), even though it's nearly impossible to rationally conceptualize. Did I just compare the pairing of Cruise/Cruz to the single most devastating event of the 20th Century? Yes.

I mean, why on earth would this honest-to-God Spanish goddess ("it's French for goddess") and future Oscar® winner canoodle with that Oprah®-freak-outter? Look at Oprah®’s face!


(A Google search for Tom Cruise+crazy yields 1.75 million results, while Oprah+crazy turns up over 3 million. It's all relative.)

The world sure was a different place back in 2000-early 2004.

This now concludes your random thought of the day!

Not quite! I would totally have a threesome with any two of the following three:


Also, according to this "news" report, Cruz apparently went on to make a movie called Sahara. Story developing...

Mar 20, 2010

How quickly would you become a supervillain? NOW

If you had superpowers--you and only you--what would you do with them?  How soon after you were gifted the power of invisibility (or super strength; or flight; or mental telepathy; etc.) would you find yourself abusing the power you were given for selfish reasons?

This is not a rhetorical question.  The answer is "Almost immediately."  Don't even pretend you wouldn't sneak into an opposite sexed locker room, or surprise everyone and win an arm wrestling contest, or help your beloved football team end the waffling and answer the eternal question ("Are you coming back?!") by just reading Brett Favre's damn mind.

I was at dinner with Garrett and Claire, and this question of superpower use (and abuse) came up.  (FYI, Garrett is a total supervillain.)  It would be sooooo easy to take advantage of your new sitch (short for 'situation') without the possibility of any real consequence; you could do almost anything without repercussion.

But this brings up a plethora of follow-up questions:
  • Which celebrity would you most want to see naked?
  • How much money is too much money?
  • Can I trust Hung Truong enough to let him in on my secret? (No.)
  • What is the best way to wreak havoc on Bryan Costilla's miserable life? (that is a question we all must answer)
The most intriguing follow-up question, though, has got to be: What superpower would you want?

Good thing we've already got the answer!  According to a very scientific Facebook poll (brought to you by the movie Kick-Ass), a majority of you would choose "Time control."  Okay.  Duh.  But it is far from unanimous.  Facebook user Joseph SquadUp Johnson writes, "damm i put fly i wanna fly shit fuck time control i live life to the fullest anyway."  But it clearly is a difficult choice; Brandyn Grabowski comments, "i picked fly cuz thats just bad ass but then i thought about it. id pick time control cuz id go back and invent all those crazy things like shamwow! and snuggies. and snuggies for dogs lmao!. and microsoft. AND apple. and then once i got like a billion bucks id go further back and put it in a bank then come back to present day and be like a qudrillianare lmao."  Dilemma!  I think the existential quandary this elicits can be summed up by Fertile, Iowa's own Zach Hermanson, who says (quite poetically), "time control. so I can pause time go behind your back stab you with a pencil. walk back to my seat and then start time again. 'WHAT HAPPEND??!??!' zach hermanson."  Preach it, zach hermanson.

But really, this mostly just reminded me of an episode of This American Life, based around the idea of superpowers, which featured Mr. "and I'm a PC" himself, John Hodgman.  He wanted to know: Which is better: The power of flight or the power of invisibility?  Look at how curious he is!


The Hodg's respondents are a lot more interesting (Going-to-Paris Man!) than the Facebook dredge.  In the audio link below, "Act One: Invisible Man vs. Hawkman" starts about 6 minutes in, and lasts about 13 minutes.  But, seriously, you might want to just listen to the whole show.  What is the opposite of a waste of your time?  Whatever it is, this is it.

___________________________________________


___________________________________________


(Click anywhere above to listen--for free!--to the complete Superpowers show. Read the episode guide or listen to a 30 second promo here--all for free!  Donate $ to TAL here--not free!)


Answer any and all of the above questions in the COMMENTS below, as well as in the poll above.  If I could be invisible, I would most want to see Jonah Hill nekkid, obvs (short for 'obviously') ...NOT!

Are you a fearful, crouching masturbator like I am?  Also, re: "Act Two: Wonder Woman"--would you marry Zora?  I would.

Sep 6, 2009

If you are not excited about the start of Season 6 of 'So You Think You Can Dance,' why are you so stupid?

Rhetorical question. Duh. Everyone is excited about Season 6 of So You Think You Can Dance. Fox made sure of that, by airing the super-special special "The 15 Best Routines Ever" last week, as a warm-up to this Wednesday's season premier.

And unless you are in league with He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named and therefore hate all good things (and me)--dude, the rhythm is gonna get you. I dare you to resist. Actually, I dare you not to resist.

If you don't think you could ever get into "dance" or "reality TV" or--God forbid--"a reality dance competition," then you are wrong. Do not confuse So You Think You Can Dance with all that other schlock out there; SYTYCD has spent five years elevating itself above all other "related" programming by repeatedly offering beautiful and genuine artistry during it's killer dance routines. Do not let the live studio audience/screaming automatons deter you.

Watch, oh God yes, please watch. Give it a chance. Click play below. Find one of SYTYCD's most famous routines--"The Hummingbird and The Flower"--at the 1:25 mark. Watch it. Then, click around the timeline and find another totally different but still totally ah-may-za-zing routine (this bit is from Season 3), including a boardroom-inspired jazz, a sexxxy samba, and a transformative hip hop. Or, better yet, click here to watch the whole Top 15 special. Yes, do that. If you are not inspired to feel, or simply to get up and move, in mock, amateurish imitation, then you cannot be helped.



Oh my goodneeeess. It's so good. C'est si bon, indeed.

(Bonus Mark!)

May 25, 2009

Ditto

Does it make me a bad person when Patrick Swayze's dire health condition--so dire, in fact, that his publicist has to publicly deny rumors that he is already dead--makes me want to watch Ghost? Yes.